Pirates are Cool.

Captured bits of life... Pirates at no extra cost. Arrrg. Also cool: Zombies, Aliens, Ninjas, Dinosaurs, Vikings, the Noble River Horse, the Sinister Octopi, Robots and Kittens.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are


One fo the best TV shows ever, that's for damn sure. So when I found out that there was a res event that mimiced this popular series, I flipped out and rolled around on my head, and proceeded to join allied with my housemate Gavin.

Unlike the TV show, there were four ingreedients that we needed to use, not just one. We were given Green Peppers, Potatos, Apples and Chocolate Chips.

Gavin and I decided that we wanted to go the way of stuffed peppers. We weren't the only ones - a lot of teams did. Ours were stuffed with the potatos, mashed with skins, garlic and green onion. We then mixed that with spiced ground beef and onion, stuffed it in the peppers, and topped with some cheese. Good stuff.

I also made some poor-man's stir fry with three different kinds of pepper (yellow red and green, obviously). I made it with beef and spiced it with mystery spice, chilli powder, a little garlic and some frozen mixed vegtables. This was on a bed of good old fashioned basmati rice.

Gavin also made the most popular item of the night, a chocolate apple cake topped with a little icing sugar.

Notable contenders used the green peppers as bowls (crazy shit) and there was some chocolate fondu, lots of other stuffed peppers.... I believe there were six or seven teams in all. A difficult challenge, to be sure, but one we felt we could meet.

Presentation wise, ours was probably one of the best. Not to be modest or anything... We used parsley because we could. Some teams thought that was going overboard, but whatever, what do they know? It helped us in the end, because we got second place. The judges admitted to it being closer to a tie than anything else, but knocked us a spot because of the frozen mixed vegtables.... Guess next time I should use real carrots.

An excellent experience, to be sure. Unfortunetly, the prize for second place was two dinners at bluffs. I mean, c'mon, I cooked better food than that place! And besides, what are Gavin and I supposed to do with those? Go on a man-date?

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Humble Pie

I saw the res deer today. It didn't even run away when I asked it "what's up, dude?"


Monday, November 28, 2005

Ironic Laughter

Oh mercy, deliver me from my own wishes!

Why would I impose this upon myself? With such distraction, my essay will never be done.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Well, isn't that interesting?

For not even really wanting to party, I'm going to have to go ahead and say that last night turned out rather interesting.

There were some Eastern European beers that I drank because I thought the labels were funny. So, after half a litre each of Slovenian and Ukrainian beer, I started to debate my options. In short, they stop drinking, Brue or El Dorado. I, for some odd reason, went with the El Dorado... Rum named after the city of gold, with a big pirate ship on the lable (I drink a lot of stuff for the lable).

Long story short, I was soon mingling with a bottle of rum in one hand. And, well, the rum and I have an intersting reltaionship. This bottle of rum, in particular, is very special.

It is responisble for causing me to climb the grain elevators in owen sound on a dark rainy summerfolk night. It is responsible for me singing a song that I didn't know the words to, or really the chords of, at the top of my lungs in Luke's dining room. It is responsible for Swiming at sauble... any of you who were there know that story. It is responsbile for a nasty hangover at camp, where I shirked my duties in favour of a nap on a sunny picnic table.

Now, it is responsible for even more. Like me still not being done my essay. Procrastination, hurrah!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

called in sick

adventure called off for now. The plauge has me.


Tomorrow marks the stupidest day of all time.
The adventure planned: A trip to every subway stop in Toronto. If I'm not mistaken, including the Scarborough RT, there are 68 stops in all. Documenting the fact that we went to all of them will involve stupid amounts of wasted time.
I don't really want to sit on the TTC all day.
Why did I ever agree to do this?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


So, I've been listening to a lot of Collective Soul recently. Doseage is a great album.
That's pretty much it. I'm sort of just killing time between class... yup...
So how about that local sports team?

Monday, November 21, 2005

Sincerest apologies

This is to all of the potential listeners of Drop-D radio:
Tonight, there was a mix up and the key was not where it was supposed to be. We Could not get that key, and thusly could only moan like zombies as we tried to dig through the glass of the booth.... like zombies.... So very sorry to all of you.

But, I did meet this guys in the Student Centre and he asked me for my help. Apparently he had just been beat up... He tells me all his credentials for some odd reason, perhaps just to assure me of his predicament. He even showed me his U of T alumni card. It was abit weird, but I took him to the cop shop, where he said thanks and I parted ways. Strange days.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Common Theories on the word "Dork" Part II: The Combinative Properties of "Dork"

The meaning and use of the word "Dork" is further conflated when you consider its combinative properties. Consider the meaning upon making it part of a compound word such as "Dork-Face." The menaing of Dork-face is difficult to ascertain when you try and take it as a literal statmenet. A face cannot be "Inept" anymore than it can be "foolish". It may be inept of foolish looking, but it is important to note that the expression is "dork-face," not "dork-face looking." So, the accepted definitions of "Dork" cannot apply grammitcally to this expression. Let us take the other definition of dork, and assume for a minute that "dork-face" literally means "The penis-face." This definition, to say the least, is vulgar and unacceptable for a number of reasons.
We must examine the instances where the term dork-face is actually used to determine why the vulgar definition is of no use to us. "Dork-face" is obviously meant to be an insult of sorts, making fun of the person whom you are addressing. Of course, the forcefulness of the term "dork-face" is extreemly lacking. Although I must admit that I once caused a girl to cry by using this insult, they were most likley forced tears made in jest. The simple truth is that the term dork-face does not, in fact, sound insulting. It is an insult best used with friends who are not going to take your insults seriously anyway. Of course, if the meaning of the insult were actually "the penis-face" people would never actually use this insult with their close friends, it is much to forceful an insult. Insults among friends are not meant to actually insult, but rather be used as a sort of common bond. Insults used towards enemies are meant to sting deep and pack a powerful meaning. Saying "You're a dork-face" to an enemy is not going to get you anything except for being beat beat up.
We can therefor logically see that dork-face is not a word to be used directed towards enemies and, if the meaning is in fact "the penis-face" not towards friends, either. And yet it is still used, thus, the meaning must be other than "the penis-face." However, we have already determined that, grammatically, the traditional meaning of the word dork and the new definition of the word dork according to Strong Bad (the owen sound standard "geek") do not fit.
This means, in fact, that the word dork must have some further underliying meaning that we have, as yet, not explored. I theorise that the problem here is not only with the individual word "dork," but also with the the combined word "face."
The history of name calling has given birth to a fascinating phrase: "Your face." This is part of a progression of insults that I need not enter into explaining in this discussion, all that need be know is that it is a generalised insult used when an appropriate come back in not available. For example, if you are insulted and do not know what to say, you could reply "your face," implying that the person who insulted you has some sort of fualt with their physical face. You are in essence saying that their face is in some way not normally, and using that as a counterpoint to what ever they have said to you. However, the argument "your face" is obviously weak and would not effectively insult your opponent. So, it has in fact taken a sort of status as a joke among friends, said in jest rather than insult. I believe that this is in fact where "dork-face" came from. There is no literally grammatical translation of the expression "dork-face" but rather, it is a derivative of the insult "your face." It is in fact implying that that fault of the face of your friend is dorkiness, or the property of being a dork. In essence, the term dork-face has been reduced to a combination of the two insults "your face" and "dork."
In essence, the combinative properties of the word "dork" are not, in fact, combinative at all, but rather synthetic. "Dork" does not combine to for a new meaning, but rather synthesises with other words to incorperate the meaning of both words.
So, in conclusion, Rosemary is still a dork-face.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Common Theories on the word "Dork"

Dork - n. 1. A stupid or inept person 2. The penis

Probably one of the most fascinating aspects of the english langauge is the turnover rate in the meaning and popularity of slang words. It coudl be argued (if I wanted to do the research and find proofs) taht regionalist dialects still exists - for example, the phonetic pronunciation of the word "Saturday" in the Orillia area is "Seerday." Of course the regionalist dialects of 19th century america and the regionalist dialects of today are not really the same thing, certain simmiliarites can be drawn between the two. In my own personal experience, I moved from Owen Sound to Wiarton. The two towns are not more twenty-five minutes apart from each-other by car. Owen sound is also the largest town in the vicinity - legally, it's a city, but that information is not pertinant to my discourses. Owen Sound services the larger Grey-Bruce area, with a combined population of nearly 100,000 people (I generated that number in one of two ways - for those alumni of West Hill Secondary School - Mr. Donald stlye - for those alumni of the B-3 era - Alex Fike style .. they're really the same thing). Thusly Owen sound is a bit of a melting pot of local dialects, expecially in the case of the rural high school West Hill, of which I graduated. When I moved to wiarton, I thought I was prepared for the way people spoke there, but i was in fact dissarmed by listening to my Step-father. It took me nearly three years that "Pertineer" actually meant "Pretty near," as if in "close to." And much to my surprise, upon telling this story to a friend of mine who happens to be a farmer from the other end of the county, this word was familiar to her. Our discussion lead to other such words people use - and I discovered that there were "hick slang" words she knew that I did not. This is simply to demonstrate that, in fact, a certain form of regionalist dialect still exists, mostly in slang terms.
Let us take for example the word "shit." In a traditional sense, it refers to a defication, or the act thereof. However, in the terms of slang, it can mean quite a lot. I recommend doing a search of the word at www.dictionary.com. The internet, however, prooves ineffective by not providing an exhaustive list of the slang definitions of the word. Dictionary.com tells us that shit is "Something considered disgusting, of poor quality, foolish, or otherwise totally unacceptable." However, it fails to mention that it can, in fact, mean quite the opposite. For example, "Yo, this stir fry is the shit!" means that somebody has prepared a delictable mixture of vegtables and meat fried in a pan and then combined with rice.
This brings me to the word "dork." The definition provided by dictionary.com (seen above) is indeed even less exhaustive than that of the word "Shit."
It is safe to assume that most of are not refering to "the penis" when saying "dork." Which penis is implied by this definition, I do not know. The inclusion of the word "the" seems to suggest that it refers to one specifically, but I cannot say which. Thus, we can dismiss this definition as both out of date and non-sensical.
The other definition provided says that a Dork is a "stupid or inept person." Personally I do not find this definition to be adequit. What is a Dork then? the porper definition is best seen in context when compared to two other, simmilar words: Geek and Nerd.
Dictionary.com provides the definitions of these words as follows:
Nerd - a foolish, inept or unattractive person
Geek - A person regarded as foolish, inept, or clumsy.
It is clear from these common definitions that Nerds and Geeks are in fact sub-sets of Dorks, merely with added unfortunate characteristics.
It is however important to note the origin of the word Geek - a geek is in fact "A carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken." This is obviously not the same as the above definition, and although an act such as biting off a chicken's head my be disturbing and unethical, it has nothing to do with being clumsy (unless you were trying, in fact, to bite off said chicken's foot). The "tradition geek" does not fit in with our examination of slang and the trinity of Dork-Nerd-Geek, and thus must also be disregarded.
Unfortunetly, Geeks and Nerds are not in fact subsets of the Dork at all, but rather sperate entities. It is often easy to confuse the three words when trying to capture the true essence of their meaning, since the definitions that will follow are in fact interchangeable, depending on the regionality you are in and what their dialect dictates. It is also important to note that the meanings may shift in the region from generation to generation according to the influence of mass-media and any large centers of slang generation in the area. (Consider, for example, the progression of the words "da bomb." Although a tired expression in this day and age, it was once popular in the city centres and slowly radiated outwards from there. It would reach smaller centers like Owen Sound approximately one year after it had gained popularity in the city centre. From there it would spread to the rural communities surrounding that smaller center. Say it takes three years for an expression to reach Marathon Ontario. One person from Marathon may come to the city-centre, the progeny of the slang term and say "da bomb" expecting to be on the cutting edge, when, in fact, they are three years behind the times and have just said something outdated and thusly "un-cool".)
Traditionally, in the Owen Sound slang dialect, the definitions of Geek, Nerd and Dork are as follows:

Nerd - The highest order of the trinity. These are your sterotyped intellects with "no friends" and pocket protectors. I must admit that this particular definition seems to have been influenced by the movie "Revenge of the Nerds." The nerd is not in fact friendless, thier superior intellect just inhibits them from preforming proper social interations. Their time is focused mostly on study and they follow good virtue. They do tend to gravitate towards one another and, indeed, become friends. They thusly create a clique that further creates a rift between them and the rest of the population. They are known for having little fashion sense.

Geek - This is a term reserved for those who are not socially awkward or particularily un-bathed. They will admit, sometimes in secret or sometimes publicly that they enjoy science fiction and, yes, they played Magic: The Gathering once upon a time (It is important to note that some geeks may be dodging the fact that they, in fact, still do play Magic: The Gathering). They enjoy bad films and discussing them intellegently. The geek, contrary to popular demand, works well in a social environment. Although they may not be as socially active as other social groups, they still attend parties and partake in the carnal delights (ie. sex, drugs and/or rock and roll). A geek can be hard to spot because people of other social sets (Including the "Jock," the traditional nemesis of the Geek-Nerd-Dork trinity) can easily take part in geek-like activity.

Dork - A dork is the unintellegent fool who does not bathe properly. The dork seems to be the character type that the dictionary definitions seem to be trying to describe.

Unfortunetly, these definitions, as stated, are in a state of flux. Most notably is the word dork. In modern popular culture, it seems to be taking on another defintion, on that closely resembles the owen sound definition of "gee." This is occuring because of the influence of modern popular media such as the website www.homestarrunner.com, wherein a chacter known as Strong Bad frequently uses the word "Dork." Though he accuses his younger Brother Strong Sad to be a dork, Strong Bad himself comes across as a Dork as well. He enjoys making fun of people, is poular, and yet boasts constantly of how he is an expert with "the ladies" when he in fact has yet to once successfuly woo a female character (He did trick one into admitting that she was romantically interested in her by asking "Do you don't not like not strong bad?" teh grammatical syntax of this sentence, however, is responisble for her answer, not her true feelings). Strong Bad will further go on to spend an irrational amount of time at his computer and later pretend to be in space while driving a cardboard box. He also has odd fascinations with both video games and dragons - activities he would attribute to his "Dork" brother stong sad. All of these activities fit under the Owen Sound defintion of "Geek"
So, in conclusion, Stu Bell is still a dork.

I could go for a potato burrito right now.

Yup. I sure could go for a potato burrito.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

West Hill Alumni and Wax Mannequin

Last night was an adventure.
First off, Dave Meech and Leslie came to my house. The Meechy-Meechies were not present, but if they were.... We didn't stick around for long, though, because we were headed to the Hart House for some concert action. Wax Mannequin would be playing... and we weren't going to miss that.
Once there, we met with Lucas and shortly after Candice. Some band called The Coast playing, and they were okay, but their songs sounded sort of the same. A catchy the same, though. We eventually sat down and just talked about stuff that's going on, catching up with each other. Jared shoed up, too. All six of us sat in cahirs at the back of the crowd as bands played, enjoying haning out like it was grade 11 all over again... because, yes, all of us were from West Hill and it was good times. Other people were invited, but they didn't realy show up. In way, it was a good thing, because it kept things stricktly west hill alumni. And that was pretty cool.
Our good friend Wax Mannequin took the stage at the end of the evening and played all the classics - the pointing song, the song about animals jumping, Tell The Doctor, Papersnake, Empty Glass, The Price... he even encored with Bleed Jimmy and Message From the Queen.
And then we all went home. It left me with a good feeling.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

The Docks can bite me

Crappiest venue ever!

The stupid Docks is stupid, and I think I might hate it.

I saw Coheed and Cambria there last night and it was too packed, the stage was small and ineffective, the sound was crap and some jerk wouldn't let me by to get to my friends. I'll admit the jerk isn't the fault of the docks, but still. That venue was dumb.

Monday, November 07, 2005


I walked outside to go to class this morning.

Standing on the path, staring at me absolutely motionless, is my Arch Nemesis: The Canadain Goose. The one that lives on campus. We stand there looking at each other for a moment, and then he slowly turned his head to his right. I follow his gaze, and there, on the lawn beside my house, are twenty-five or thirty Canadian Geese. A whole flock.

Goose-face just stood there, daring me to make a move, but I didn't move.

The stand off ended when I walked slowly around him and went to class.

When I came home, the whole flock was gone. But for how long ... ?

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Homeless dude and Rosemary

Yesterday I went out for coffee with Rosemary. We had agreed to meet because I happen to own a book that she wanted to read (Terry Pratchett's Thud! as a matter of fact) and we figured since it's been, oh, well, about two months since we've seen each other, meeting merely to exchange a book seemed a little stupid. So, our plans included said coffee at a Starbucks. I made an eager attempt to not be late, since the TTC generally doesn't agree with my plans. For once in my life, though, the buses and subways worked out just right, and I found myself waiting at the appointed meeting place about half an hour early.

Here, a man approached me and asked if I would like a TTC token, only two dollars. Save Fifty cents. He looked a little dishevelled, but was coherent, which is more than can be said about most people I see begging in the streets. He even started cracking jokes "I accept all major credit cards, cheques..." It was actually pretty funny, in a sad sort of way. Eventually he wandered off, and Rosemary turned up. We walked to starbucks, found it packed, so walked to another starbucks, and, well, taht one was packed to, so we walked a little further to another starbucks and it was packed, too, but it had an empty patio. Perhaps it was empty because it was cold outside and it looked like rain, but it was better than nothing.

Inside, who should we meet but the same homeless dude from outside the subway station. Having held a breif discussion with him, he recognises me and says hello. He has just purchased a sandwhich and a coffee, and departs.

Rosemary and I take up station outside in the cold with our drnks and proceed to talk about everything from doomsayers and the end of the world to the ugly dog across teh street and how only three out of four people wash their hands after using the washroom. Conversation of this random nature continues for a while. At one point, it started to rain, so we moved to a table with an umbrella, but otherwise the weather didn't really disturb us any.

Regardless, eventually the cold and rain catches up to us and we realise that we should probably go home, since it was getting late, dark, and more cold. Walking back to the subway station, you would never guess who we run into. Homeless dude. I knew that he was actually in need of some food and wasn't just about to run off and spend him money on something that would keep him from getting back on his feet, so I didn't feel any resignations in giving him some change I had left over from the coffee shop. Plus I sort of felt I owed it to him, after seeing him so often in one day.

And really, thats the story of homeless dude and rosemary. With emphasis on the homeless dude, because that was the more anecdotal part of the story.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

A new novel...

Hey guys, it's officially november, and I have started my new novel. I went with the sort of Ourgatory-like idea, and its going to be intense, I can tell you that.
Check out the spelling and grammar challenged online first draft version at http://thetaleoflucas.blogspot.com/ ... There is a considerable amount of stuff about The Tale of Lucas on that blog, but that is not the novel I'm writing. The one I'm writing is nameless for now, and starts with the post "A new story begins"
Enjoy if you like, or hate it. Do what you will. I'm going to have fun with this one...